Three Poems of Mine

Is She an Angel?

The girl with bitter on her lips,
vodka stained breath and a
hint of deceit on her collar,
she'll leave you so fast
that you will find yourself
whispering adoring words to the

wind.

She may be an Angel,
but if so, she has fallen and
looks for her way home.


Wisconsin Love Song

What she feels bad about,
she only knows.
Gorging herself on
sorrow and ice cream,
skipping the bowl and
eating straight from the carton.
She's watching a movie,
a love story of sorts,
the kind that is pure fantasy,
written and painted with fate,
and performed with bad acting.
She feels worse with
every kiss and every bite,
centralizing her sadness
into a physical place.

She's bound to feel better,
tomorrow, when the poison and cream
have mixed like one night lovers,
quickly moving on.

Collecting Worries

Collecting worries in my worried corner,
dusting off each one as they are
pulled together by lack of direction.

Another sad paycheck, one more bill
than cannot be paid, another girl
I don't have the courage to chase.

Another sad workday I have to attend,
another night spent without another friend
and nothing better to say to myself than,
This is all I deserve.

She knows who she is and who I am

It has been just over 6 years since I saw her.  I lost a huge part of myself those few days and I have yet to recover them.  It's Dec 25, 2013 and I feel just as empty as ever.  I met her at Arizona State, in the only class we ever had together.  She sat right next to me.  After the first class ended, she headed to her next class and I found myself running after her.  I caught up to her, but I never really did stop running.

I had no intention of thinking about this woman today.  All I did was wake up from a nap with a broken heart and Vanessa's name on name on my lips.  In fact, I have done everything possible to move on.  I am left with the conclusion that I left a part of me with her and I have yet to reclaim it.

She never was with me.  She was seeing someone else, as was I.  But there were very intense moments between us that while not sexual, were definitely an act of unfaithfulness within our relationships.

Those last few days were not long enough and those last few words of hers are still with me, "Is it possible to love two people?".  I hung up the phone.  I had never been so hurt before.  This woman I was completely helpless for since day one could not just say to me, "I love you.".  The odds are pretty good that if she said that to me, I would be fine.  I would have been able to stop running after her.

I hope to see her again some day.  I hope I can tell her how angry I am that she couldn't say those three words to me.  I could tell her I am angry that she chose the wrong man, how angry I am that I missed my chance to fight for her, how angry I am that she was looking for reasons we wouldn't work, and how angry I am that I let her.

But mostly, I want to see her again so I can hug her and forgive myself for loving someone so much I couldn't move on.  I want to hold her one more time so I can let go of her.

Internet Hypersensitivity

I am not a big proponent of social networking.  I prefer human beings to online, digital representations of humans.  But I also like dealing with individuals, not people who see themselves as an end result of a confluence of forces of the socioeconomic demographics of said people.  That does not work well within a world of immediate and overwhelming response to something that was said was unpopular.  The space in which decisions can be made with reason has become as close to nil as unreasonably possible.

Yes, Phil on Duck Dynasty has said some things I disagree with.  Yes, Justine Sacco was even more egregious.  There have probably been a great number of horrible things of been said in the world, and on a daily basis.  But there is a lack of individual accountability.  Too many people read the opinions and stupid thoughts of other people they don't know and then take it personally, as if Phil and Justine were talking directly to them.

When Don Imus called a female basketball team "nappy headed hoes", the response was correct. When footage of Michael Richards screaming "Nigger" at an audience member at a comedy club, the response was correct.  We looked at these people, acknowledged their bigotry, and moved the fuck on.  Imus' had significant reprecussions for his insulting behavior.  Richard's disappeared for the longest time.  But these two were speaking specifically about certain, tangible people, and it would make sense that those individuals, the actual targets of the comments, took offense.

But when Phil defends his belief that homosexuality is sinful, it's an insult against everyone.  When Justine says, "Going to Africa. Hope I don't get AIDS. Just Kidding. I'm white!", every one lost their minds.  I laughed in both circumstances.  Phil didn't hurt anyone. Justine landed in South Africa without a clue about the shit storm she unleashed, and, to be honest, her comment is so horrible you have to laugh at it.  She's an idiot.

We, as individuals, need to treat people who say really stupid things in a better manner.  Shouting them down and shutting them out accomplishes nothing.  Realizing that you don't have to pay attention to someone is a liberating experience.  It's also a choice.  If you choose to read someone's stupidity in a personal manner, that's on you and that is fine.  But let's get back to calling the village idiot a fucking idiot and got on with our lives.

Stop choosing to be offended.  And just because I ran across this quote, I had to share it:

Nobody has the right to not be offended. That right doesn't exist in any declaration I have ever read.

If you are offended it is your problem, and frankly lots of things offend lots of people.

I can walk into a bookshop and point out a number of books that I find very unattractive in what they say. But it doesn't occur to me to burn the bookshop down. If you don't like a book, read another book. If you start reading a book and you decide you don't like it, nobody is telling you to finish it.

To read a 600-page novel and then say that it has deeply offended you: well, you have done a lot of work to be offended.

     - Sir Salman Rushdie

Bullying the Redskins

I am a Washington Redskins fan, but this won't be an emotional argument.  Rather, I would like to point out some very poor thinking on the part of those that would like to see the organization change their name.  This trend  has been especially noticeable this year.

Most prevalent amongst the drivle was Bob Costas accosting the Redskins on their Sunday Night game against the Dallas Cowboys.  Bob's reasoning behind the need to change the Redskins' name shows it's flawed nature immediately when he says, "Even a majority of Native American's say they are not offended".  Bob doesn't state what that majority is (That majority is supposedly 90% but I can't find the correct link).

Why is all of the attention being direct at the Redskins?  There are plenty of high profile teams who also bear names that could be considered offensive to Native Americans (and let's remember, Native Americans is an offensive term as they didn't call this land America) Braves, Seminoles, Chiefs, Indians, Black Hawks, and plenty more if you take a quick look on the web.

Even President Obama has weighed in on the matter, "if I were the owner of the team and I knew that there was a name of my team, even if it had a storied history, that was offending a sizable group of people, I'd think about changing it."  Obama's two cents on the issue don't really matter, other than they demonstrate the amount of pressure that has been created to change the Redskins' name.

All of this pressure, at both the political and street level, amounts to bullying.  All of this pressure fails to acknowledge the history of the team The Washington Redskins.  There is also a failure to recognize that the Redskins are a privately owned organization and Dan Snyder has the right to do with it as he sees fit.  There is a failure by those offended by the word to take responsibility for themselves.

If you are offended by the Redskins' name, take the responsible action and stop watching them.  If Dan Snyder does change his team's name, then the Redskins' will have committed 'suicide' (in a sense) due to the actions of others.  If Dan Snyder changes his team's name, it will be due to bullying, and not because changing his team's name would be the right thing to do.