At the end of all things is me,
you, and the space in between.
I need you to answer me,
I'm I still the same man you need?
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Thursday, January 2, 2014
In Defense of Pierce Hawthorne
I am a Communie, a member of a group of people who love the television show Community.
With Season 5 airing tonight (1/2/14), I thought now would be the best time to defend the least liked member of The Study Group, Pierce Hawthorne, who will not be a character in the show any longer.
It is my opinion that Dan Harmon, creator of the show, uses Pierce Hawthorne as his subconscious voice within the show for various reasons and to various ends. He is the most malleable character and is used to say inappropriately humorous things, while being much more complex. The following quote reveals the nature of Pierce, "I say things others won't. That has value" (Pascal's Triangle Revisited).
A crucial part of Pierce Hawthorne's character is revealed by The Study Group, which treats him as though he is walking the line between a loss of sanity and his failure to mature due to his life of ease. The provided quote helps puts that line into context.
The common reason to dislike Pierce is that he is an old, crazy, racist. This is a charge levied multiple times in Season 3, by multiple characters. In taking on the task of defending a man seen as indefensible, two key aspects will not be dealt with here, Pierce's pill addiction and his bigotry / antiquated attitudes towards women and homosexuals. This is mostly due to making this piece more accessible to every Community fan, as it would stray too far from the over all attempt to defend Pierce. As Season 5's premier creeps closer, time constraints are becoming an issue as well.
It is a fact that Pierce is old. Beyond Leonard, there are no reoccurring characters older than Pierce. But it is his age that The Study Group fails compensate for in their interactions with him. Pierce was raised by his father, Cornelius Hawthorne, who shows himself to be the "Abed of racism", during a time that was slightly less than concerned with racist words and their effect on others. This generational gap, age conflict, and his father's influence, allows for a misrepresentation of Pierce's sanity and attitude about race.
To address issues of Pierce's sanity, we need to remember that he has nothing better to do than go o Greendale Community College, which he started attending 1999. Before that, he lead an easy life. Due to his fathers wealth, all Pierce did with his life was get married 7 times, have over 30 step-children, travel the world and go to Greendale. In this context, Pierce lacks the experience of knowing what a normal life is, making his interactions with everyone else seem less than sane.
There is single episode in which Pierce spends time with people of his own age, "The Hipsters" (Messianic Myths and Ancient Peoples), he shows how youthful and thoughtful he can be. "The Hipsters" was just a group of old community college students who were so old they had no reason to care about anything and their behavior was reminiscent of children (gambling, drinking, being rude, etc...). "The Hipsters" manage to steal a car and drive away at One Mile Per Hour, or so. The driver slowly bumps the car into a light pole and 3 of the 4 "Hipsters" take off at a meandering, yet quick for their age, pace. Pierce, however, stays to watch out for the driver, who suffers severe memory loss at this moment.
Now that Pierce Hawthorne's sanity, regarding his age, has been touched upon, Pierce's sanity itself must be examined. In one of the funniest television shows I have ever seen, Spanish 101, Jeff and Pierce have to collaborate on a Spanish dialogue consisting of 5 lines. After telling Jeff they could now have a "sausage fest" by having some drinks and working on what would become a play, not the assigned 5 lines of dialogue. During the "sausage fest", Jeff becomes increasingly frustrated with Pierce's drunkenness and lack of anything sensible, leading to an argument. The next morning Britta succinctly explains her view of Pierce's life and behavior towards Jeff and the group, "I think he spent his whole life looking out for himself and he would trade it all for a shot at some kind of family."
In Social Psychology, Pierce tries out an invention called Ear-noculars. The totality of Pierce's presence is negligible as his hearing enhancement device, which also isn't a hearing aid, does not function to his liking. This prevents him from interacting with the rest of The Study Group in a meaningful way. At the end of the episode, Jeff goes to Pierce in an attempt to borrow the Ear-noculars, while Pierce chooses to share some very powerful words:
"I threw it away. You see, there are some things man was not meant to hear. We were designed, by whatever entity you choose, to hear what's in this range and this range alone. Because you know who's in this range? The people we love."
Pierce is a sane man, with easily understood behaviors.
It is no mistake that Pierce continuously has these types of interactions with Jeff Winger. Pierce's story line throughout the series is an attempt to gain respect within The Study Group through trying to earn Jeff Winger's respect, while it is Jeff himself who manipulates the interactions of the group to push Pierce out. The problem that The Study Group has with Pierce is that Jeff has a very deep conflict within himself, which he projects onto Pierce. A quick comparison of Jeff Winger's character to Pierce needs to be employed, but held to a minimum. To that end, here are some quick observations from the first season:
Pierce has lead the wealthy and privileged life, while never having to work for it.
Jeff has spent his life talking himself into places he wants to get to, while never having to work for it.
Pierce cannot maintain a relationship with anyone, let alone a healthy one.
Jeff's first known girlfriend is a teacher at Greendale, while the remainder of his relationships are just for sex.
Both attend Greendale to find something that doesn't exist in the broader world.
It is highly probably that Jeff is afraid that Pierce is his future, old, lonely and with no mark left on the world.
Both have readily apparent father issues and challenge one another about it (Advanced Gay).
Pierce fills the space where's Jeff's father should have been.
Jeff is Pierce's opportunity to pass along his life's lessons.
(A season 4 line from Economics of Marine Biology spoken by Pierce, to Jeff, about the barber shop reinforces this, "I used to regret not having a son to bring here. I'm glad I didn't have kids. They just end up disappointing you.")
And Pierce, as far as these things can be measured, has shown the most compassion (let us not quibble about compassion being the correct word here) towards Jeff, having not only said some of the wisest words within the Community universe, but also having provided Jeff with the most guidance, while doing so in the oddest of ways.
During Beginner Pottery, Pierce finds himself lost at sea in a parking lot. He performs self-rescue by finding a kayak on wheels somewhere on campus. Meanwhile, Jeff has a difficult time accepting the fact he sucks at pottery. As Pierce is about to return to the asphalt ocean in his paddle powered, four-wheeled kayak, he provides Jeff with a chance to learn something about life, while looking ridiculous:
"If I let being bad at something stop me, I wouldn't be here. That thing some men call 'failure,' I call 'living.' 'Breakfast.' And I'm not leaving until I've cleaned out the buffet. Now how about a shove?"
Jeff wishes Pierce luck, to which Pierce responds, "Don't need it, never had it."
In the final episode of Season 2 (For a Few Paintballs More), Pierce finds himself at odds with The Study Group and is no longer a part of it. In the closing moments, they have gathered to select the next class they take together, when they have a very profound encounter with him.
Pierce Hawthorne speaks to the group:
"You know I've been coming to this school for twelve years? I've never been friends with anyone here more than a semester. Probably for the same reason I've been married seven times. I guess I assume eventually I'll be rejected so I test people, push them, until they prove me right. It's a sickness, I admit it, but this place has always accepted me, sickness and all. This place accepted all of you, sickness and all. It's worth thinking about."
Jeff responds, "I think we have thought about it, Pierce, and you're right. We were just picking a class we could all be in this fall. And we'd love for you to join us."
Pierce's replies, "No thanks, I'm done with you guys. I like this school but I'm done with whatever you call this. Adios."
In a single scene, Pierce summarizes the entire story arc of the first two seasons while explaining to the group who he is, who they are, and why they have reached this moment. Pierce, quite sincerely, accepts everything about himself, the world he lives in and the people around him. The rest of the study group, however, is not so accepting. The face closest to camera as Pierce Hawthorne walks away from the group is Jeff, who shows himself to be genuinely surprised. This has a deeper symbolism as Jeff is the face of The Study Group.
Lastly, The Study Group, as a whole, has pegged Pierce as racist. For one to be racist, hate has to be present within the individual first and then projected outward. Pierce is not a hateful person, beyond the character Vicki, Pierce does not seem to harbor any negative, long term feelings towards anyone. More than anything, he just doesn't care how people react towards him, leaving Pierce free to speak his mind.
The person Pierce tries to befriend first is Troy, a Black Jehovah's Witness (Introduction to Film). Additionally, Pierce invites Troy to stay with him in his mansion (Pascal's Triangle Revisited). Pierce also makes continuous sexual advances towards Shirley, a Black Christian Woman, through the majority of the series. And, in a bizarre attempt at corporate espionage, he almost marries wife number 8, an Asian woman, whom he gets along with well enough to go on a real date together after her cover is blown (Competitive Wine Tasting). He actively tries to make friends with everyone by inviting himself to Abed's dorm room to make fun of the awesomely bad movie, KickPuncher, with Abed, Senor Chang (an Asian male, in various stages of sanity, possibly Jewish, and teaches Spanish), Shirley and Troy. Heck, Pierce Hawthorne even dances with Troy and Senor Chang (Romantic Expressionism) on Valentine's Day.
Most of the examples used to dissect Pierce's character come from Season 1, though many more exist throughout the series. After examining only a small snippet of Pierce Hawthorne's behavior, it is readily apparent that while old, he is neither crazy, senile, nor racist. The viewing audience is simply cajoled into viewing Pierce through the lens of Jeff Winger's character. Remember who Pierce Hawthorne is, the man who said, "I say things others won't. That has value." He is who he is and he knows his worth, beyond the dollars and cents, failures and sickness and all.
Pierce is extraordinarily accepting of his friends and is loyal to a fault. He almost never defends himself when insulted, he never says anything insensitive on purpose, and he sticks by his friends when they don't even think of him as a friend. Pierce managed to obey his racist father while turning into quite a decent person who accepts most others without hesitation (not Vicki, probably not Todd), and gave himself freely when assistance and guidance was needed.
The best example of how good of a person Pierce Hawthorne really is, we need only look at Biology 101. Pierce wants to the rejoin The Study Group, but Jeff runs interference, ultimately switching places with Pierce within their shared class and the study group. Jeff finds himself on the outs. To sum up the rest of the episode, Jeff Winger gets high on Monkey Knockout Gas, experiences a profound spiritual journey in a hallucinatory nod to 2001: A Space Odyssey, thus leading him to want to kill the study room's table with an axe. Jeff is so distraught with having switched roles with Pierce, he presents himself as the crazy, racist and all around bad guy.
After Annie asks Jeff to stop being her friend, Pierce steps in, "Okay, look, everybody, here's the thing. I'm not as evolved as I said I was. The biology class was full, so I told Professor Kane I'd pay him a few thousand dollars to kick Jeff out."
The Study Group expresses their surprise and then realize who they are talking to. Shirley states, "I can't believe Jeff attacked a table with a fire axe and still only managed to be the second craziest man in the room." Jeff defends Pierce, "Pierce isn't crazy. The table is magic..."
After the rest of the group leaves, Jeff and Pierce have the following exchange:
Jeff, "Pierce, Professor Kane has never taken a bribe from anyone in his life. You feel me?"
Pierce, "Yeah, I lied, but you seem to have a harder time being the bad guy than me."
Jeff, "You're right. I do. Which, in a weird way, makes me a pretty bad guy."
Pierce, quite selflessly, has restored Jeff's dignity and status within the group by assuming his role as the villain. It is the final example I will make use of to examine Pierce's sanity while noting it is Pierce's most compassionate moment.
In Season 4's episode, Economics of Marine Biology, Jeff manages his final insult of Pierce by spending the day with him and getting to know Pierce a little better. Pierce eventually feels like he has Jeff's respect, which had he been seeking since the first episode. The insult occurs when Pierce discovers that Jeff this time with him under false pretenses. The hard earned respect had been a lie.
When this moment occurs, Jeff comes to realize the dynamic that has been at play between himself, Pierce and The Study Group was not solely on Pierce:
"I can't believe I'm about to say this. The only reason he can be unpleasant is because we expect him to be. If we don't treat him like such a dick, well, he'll still probably be one 98% of the time, but the 2% he's tolerable might be worth it."
It is this line that Jeff Winger has come to accept himself. He can let go of the tension he held with Pierce. Jeff truly treats Pierce with the respect Pierce has spent so long trying to earn, and in so doing, imparts his respect for Pierce onto the rest of the group. The best part is, Pierce wasn't even there to see. Jeff's most selfless act was for a man he could barely tolerate.
Pierce Hawthorne certainly is a flawed man, but he is completely understandable as a person when given the chance. Jeff gave him that chance. It changed Jeff and his view of Pierce.
What about you? Will you give Pierce that same chance?
With Season 5 airing tonight (1/2/14), I thought now would be the best time to defend the least liked member of The Study Group, Pierce Hawthorne, who will not be a character in the show any longer.
It is my opinion that Dan Harmon, creator of the show, uses Pierce Hawthorne as his subconscious voice within the show for various reasons and to various ends. He is the most malleable character and is used to say inappropriately humorous things, while being much more complex. The following quote reveals the nature of Pierce, "I say things others won't. That has value" (Pascal's Triangle Revisited).
A crucial part of Pierce Hawthorne's character is revealed by The Study Group, which treats him as though he is walking the line between a loss of sanity and his failure to mature due to his life of ease. The provided quote helps puts that line into context.
The common reason to dislike Pierce is that he is an old, crazy, racist. This is a charge levied multiple times in Season 3, by multiple characters. In taking on the task of defending a man seen as indefensible, two key aspects will not be dealt with here, Pierce's pill addiction and his bigotry / antiquated attitudes towards women and homosexuals. This is mostly due to making this piece more accessible to every Community fan, as it would stray too far from the over all attempt to defend Pierce. As Season 5's premier creeps closer, time constraints are becoming an issue as well.
It is a fact that Pierce is old. Beyond Leonard, there are no reoccurring characters older than Pierce. But it is his age that The Study Group fails compensate for in their interactions with him. Pierce was raised by his father, Cornelius Hawthorne, who shows himself to be the "Abed of racism", during a time that was slightly less than concerned with racist words and their effect on others. This generational gap, age conflict, and his father's influence, allows for a misrepresentation of Pierce's sanity and attitude about race.
To address issues of Pierce's sanity, we need to remember that he has nothing better to do than go o Greendale Community College, which he started attending 1999. Before that, he lead an easy life. Due to his fathers wealth, all Pierce did with his life was get married 7 times, have over 30 step-children, travel the world and go to Greendale. In this context, Pierce lacks the experience of knowing what a normal life is, making his interactions with everyone else seem less than sane.
There is single episode in which Pierce spends time with people of his own age, "The Hipsters" (Messianic Myths and Ancient Peoples), he shows how youthful and thoughtful he can be. "The Hipsters" was just a group of old community college students who were so old they had no reason to care about anything and their behavior was reminiscent of children (gambling, drinking, being rude, etc...). "The Hipsters" manage to steal a car and drive away at One Mile Per Hour, or so. The driver slowly bumps the car into a light pole and 3 of the 4 "Hipsters" take off at a meandering, yet quick for their age, pace. Pierce, however, stays to watch out for the driver, who suffers severe memory loss at this moment.
Now that Pierce Hawthorne's sanity, regarding his age, has been touched upon, Pierce's sanity itself must be examined. In one of the funniest television shows I have ever seen, Spanish 101, Jeff and Pierce have to collaborate on a Spanish dialogue consisting of 5 lines. After telling Jeff they could now have a "sausage fest" by having some drinks and working on what would become a play, not the assigned 5 lines of dialogue. During the "sausage fest", Jeff becomes increasingly frustrated with Pierce's drunkenness and lack of anything sensible, leading to an argument. The next morning Britta succinctly explains her view of Pierce's life and behavior towards Jeff and the group, "I think he spent his whole life looking out for himself and he would trade it all for a shot at some kind of family."
In Social Psychology, Pierce tries out an invention called Ear-noculars. The totality of Pierce's presence is negligible as his hearing enhancement device, which also isn't a hearing aid, does not function to his liking. This prevents him from interacting with the rest of The Study Group in a meaningful way. At the end of the episode, Jeff goes to Pierce in an attempt to borrow the Ear-noculars, while Pierce chooses to share some very powerful words:
"I threw it away. You see, there are some things man was not meant to hear. We were designed, by whatever entity you choose, to hear what's in this range and this range alone. Because you know who's in this range? The people we love."
Pierce is a sane man, with easily understood behaviors.
It is no mistake that Pierce continuously has these types of interactions with Jeff Winger. Pierce's story line throughout the series is an attempt to gain respect within The Study Group through trying to earn Jeff Winger's respect, while it is Jeff himself who manipulates the interactions of the group to push Pierce out. The problem that The Study Group has with Pierce is that Jeff has a very deep conflict within himself, which he projects onto Pierce. A quick comparison of Jeff Winger's character to Pierce needs to be employed, but held to a minimum. To that end, here are some quick observations from the first season:
Pierce has lead the wealthy and privileged life, while never having to work for it.
Jeff has spent his life talking himself into places he wants to get to, while never having to work for it.
Pierce cannot maintain a relationship with anyone, let alone a healthy one.
Jeff's first known girlfriend is a teacher at Greendale, while the remainder of his relationships are just for sex.
Both attend Greendale to find something that doesn't exist in the broader world.
It is highly probably that Jeff is afraid that Pierce is his future, old, lonely and with no mark left on the world.
Both have readily apparent father issues and challenge one another about it (Advanced Gay).
Pierce fills the space where's Jeff's father should have been.
Jeff is Pierce's opportunity to pass along his life's lessons.
(A season 4 line from Economics of Marine Biology spoken by Pierce, to Jeff, about the barber shop reinforces this, "I used to regret not having a son to bring here. I'm glad I didn't have kids. They just end up disappointing you.")
And Pierce, as far as these things can be measured, has shown the most compassion (let us not quibble about compassion being the correct word here) towards Jeff, having not only said some of the wisest words within the Community universe, but also having provided Jeff with the most guidance, while doing so in the oddest of ways.
During Beginner Pottery, Pierce finds himself lost at sea in a parking lot. He performs self-rescue by finding a kayak on wheels somewhere on campus. Meanwhile, Jeff has a difficult time accepting the fact he sucks at pottery. As Pierce is about to return to the asphalt ocean in his paddle powered, four-wheeled kayak, he provides Jeff with a chance to learn something about life, while looking ridiculous:
"If I let being bad at something stop me, I wouldn't be here. That thing some men call 'failure,' I call 'living.' 'Breakfast.' And I'm not leaving until I've cleaned out the buffet. Now how about a shove?"
Jeff wishes Pierce luck, to which Pierce responds, "Don't need it, never had it."
In the final episode of Season 2 (For a Few Paintballs More), Pierce finds himself at odds with The Study Group and is no longer a part of it. In the closing moments, they have gathered to select the next class they take together, when they have a very profound encounter with him.
Pierce Hawthorne speaks to the group:
"You know I've been coming to this school for twelve years? I've never been friends with anyone here more than a semester. Probably for the same reason I've been married seven times. I guess I assume eventually I'll be rejected so I test people, push them, until they prove me right. It's a sickness, I admit it, but this place has always accepted me, sickness and all. This place accepted all of you, sickness and all. It's worth thinking about."
Jeff responds, "I think we have thought about it, Pierce, and you're right. We were just picking a class we could all be in this fall. And we'd love for you to join us."
Pierce's replies, "No thanks, I'm done with you guys. I like this school but I'm done with whatever you call this. Adios."
In a single scene, Pierce summarizes the entire story arc of the first two seasons while explaining to the group who he is, who they are, and why they have reached this moment. Pierce, quite sincerely, accepts everything about himself, the world he lives in and the people around him. The rest of the study group, however, is not so accepting. The face closest to camera as Pierce Hawthorne walks away from the group is Jeff, who shows himself to be genuinely surprised. This has a deeper symbolism as Jeff is the face of The Study Group.
Lastly, The Study Group, as a whole, has pegged Pierce as racist. For one to be racist, hate has to be present within the individual first and then projected outward. Pierce is not a hateful person, beyond the character Vicki, Pierce does not seem to harbor any negative, long term feelings towards anyone. More than anything, he just doesn't care how people react towards him, leaving Pierce free to speak his mind.
The person Pierce tries to befriend first is Troy, a Black Jehovah's Witness (Introduction to Film). Additionally, Pierce invites Troy to stay with him in his mansion (Pascal's Triangle Revisited). Pierce also makes continuous sexual advances towards Shirley, a Black Christian Woman, through the majority of the series. And, in a bizarre attempt at corporate espionage, he almost marries wife number 8, an Asian woman, whom he gets along with well enough to go on a real date together after her cover is blown (Competitive Wine Tasting). He actively tries to make friends with everyone by inviting himself to Abed's dorm room to make fun of the awesomely bad movie, KickPuncher, with Abed, Senor Chang (an Asian male, in various stages of sanity, possibly Jewish, and teaches Spanish), Shirley and Troy. Heck, Pierce Hawthorne even dances with Troy and Senor Chang (Romantic Expressionism) on Valentine's Day.
Most of the examples used to dissect Pierce's character come from Season 1, though many more exist throughout the series. After examining only a small snippet of Pierce Hawthorne's behavior, it is readily apparent that while old, he is neither crazy, senile, nor racist. The viewing audience is simply cajoled into viewing Pierce through the lens of Jeff Winger's character. Remember who Pierce Hawthorne is, the man who said, "I say things others won't. That has value." He is who he is and he knows his worth, beyond the dollars and cents, failures and sickness and all.
Pierce is extraordinarily accepting of his friends and is loyal to a fault. He almost never defends himself when insulted, he never says anything insensitive on purpose, and he sticks by his friends when they don't even think of him as a friend. Pierce managed to obey his racist father while turning into quite a decent person who accepts most others without hesitation (not Vicki, probably not Todd), and gave himself freely when assistance and guidance was needed.
The best example of how good of a person Pierce Hawthorne really is, we need only look at Biology 101. Pierce wants to the rejoin The Study Group, but Jeff runs interference, ultimately switching places with Pierce within their shared class and the study group. Jeff finds himself on the outs. To sum up the rest of the episode, Jeff Winger gets high on Monkey Knockout Gas, experiences a profound spiritual journey in a hallucinatory nod to 2001: A Space Odyssey, thus leading him to want to kill the study room's table with an axe. Jeff is so distraught with having switched roles with Pierce, he presents himself as the crazy, racist and all around bad guy.
After Annie asks Jeff to stop being her friend, Pierce steps in, "Okay, look, everybody, here's the thing. I'm not as evolved as I said I was. The biology class was full, so I told Professor Kane I'd pay him a few thousand dollars to kick Jeff out."
The Study Group expresses their surprise and then realize who they are talking to. Shirley states, "I can't believe Jeff attacked a table with a fire axe and still only managed to be the second craziest man in the room." Jeff defends Pierce, "Pierce isn't crazy. The table is magic..."
After the rest of the group leaves, Jeff and Pierce have the following exchange:
Jeff, "Pierce, Professor Kane has never taken a bribe from anyone in his life. You feel me?"
Pierce, "Yeah, I lied, but you seem to have a harder time being the bad guy than me."
Jeff, "You're right. I do. Which, in a weird way, makes me a pretty bad guy."
Pierce, quite selflessly, has restored Jeff's dignity and status within the group by assuming his role as the villain. It is the final example I will make use of to examine Pierce's sanity while noting it is Pierce's most compassionate moment.
In Season 4's episode, Economics of Marine Biology, Jeff manages his final insult of Pierce by spending the day with him and getting to know Pierce a little better. Pierce eventually feels like he has Jeff's respect, which had he been seeking since the first episode. The insult occurs when Pierce discovers that Jeff this time with him under false pretenses. The hard earned respect had been a lie.
When this moment occurs, Jeff comes to realize the dynamic that has been at play between himself, Pierce and The Study Group was not solely on Pierce:
"I can't believe I'm about to say this. The only reason he can be unpleasant is because we expect him to be. If we don't treat him like such a dick, well, he'll still probably be one 98% of the time, but the 2% he's tolerable might be worth it."
It is this line that Jeff Winger has come to accept himself. He can let go of the tension he held with Pierce. Jeff truly treats Pierce with the respect Pierce has spent so long trying to earn, and in so doing, imparts his respect for Pierce onto the rest of the group. The best part is, Pierce wasn't even there to see. Jeff's most selfless act was for a man he could barely tolerate.
Pierce Hawthorne certainly is a flawed man, but he is completely understandable as a person when given the chance. Jeff gave him that chance. It changed Jeff and his view of Pierce.
What about you? Will you give Pierce that same chance?
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Three Poems of Mine
Is She an Angel?
The girl with bitter on her lips,
vodka stained breath and a
hint of deceit on her collar,
she'll leave you so fast
that you will find yourself
whispering adoring words to the
wind.
She may be an Angel,
but if so, she has fallen and
looks for her way home.
Wisconsin Love Song
What she feels bad about,
she only knows.
Gorging herself on
sorrow and ice cream,
skipping the bowl and
eating straight from the carton.
She's watching a movie,
a love story of sorts,
the kind that is pure fantasy,
written and painted with fate,
and performed with bad acting.
She feels worse with
every kiss and every bite,
centralizing her sadness
into a physical place.
She's bound to feel better,
tomorrow, when the poison and cream
have mixed like one night lovers,
quickly moving on.
Collecting Worries
Collecting worries in my worried corner,
dusting off each one as they are
pulled together by lack of direction.
Another sad paycheck, one more bill
than cannot be paid, another girl
I don't have the courage to chase.
Another sad workday I have to attend,
another night spent without another friend
and nothing better to say to myself than,
This is all I deserve.
The girl with bitter on her lips,
vodka stained breath and a
hint of deceit on her collar,
she'll leave you so fast
that you will find yourself
whispering adoring words to the
wind.
She may be an Angel,
but if so, she has fallen and
looks for her way home.
Wisconsin Love Song
What she feels bad about,
she only knows.
Gorging herself on
sorrow and ice cream,
skipping the bowl and
eating straight from the carton.
She's watching a movie,
a love story of sorts,
the kind that is pure fantasy,
written and painted with fate,
and performed with bad acting.
She feels worse with
every kiss and every bite,
centralizing her sadness
into a physical place.
She's bound to feel better,
tomorrow, when the poison and cream
have mixed like one night lovers,
quickly moving on.
Collecting Worries
Collecting worries in my worried corner,
dusting off each one as they are
pulled together by lack of direction.
Another sad paycheck, one more bill
than cannot be paid, another girl
I don't have the courage to chase.
Another sad workday I have to attend,
another night spent without another friend
and nothing better to say to myself than,
This is all I deserve.
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
She knows who she is and who I am
It has been just over 6 years since I saw her. I lost a huge part of myself those few days and I have yet to recover them. It's Dec 25, 2013 and I feel just as empty as ever. I met her at Arizona State, in the only class we ever had together. She sat right next to me. After the first class ended, she headed to her next class and I found myself running after her. I caught up to her, but I never really did stop running.
I had no intention of thinking about this woman today. All I did was wake up from a nap with a broken heart and Vanessa's name on name on my lips. In fact, I have done everything possible to move on. I am left with the conclusion that I left a part of me with her and I have yet to reclaim it.
She never was with me. She was seeing someone else, as was I. But there were very intense moments between us that while not sexual, were definitely an act of unfaithfulness within our relationships.
Those last few days were not long enough and those last few words of hers are still with me, "Is it possible to love two people?". I hung up the phone. I had never been so hurt before. This woman I was completely helpless for since day one could not just say to me, "I love you.". The odds are pretty good that if she said that to me, I would be fine. I would have been able to stop running after her.
I hope to see her again some day. I hope I can tell her how angry I am that she couldn't say those three words to me. I could tell her I am angry that she chose the wrong man, how angry I am that I missed my chance to fight for her, how angry I am that she was looking for reasons we wouldn't work, and how angry I am that I let her.
But mostly, I want to see her again so I can hug her and forgive myself for loving someone so much I couldn't move on. I want to hold her one more time so I can let go of her.
I had no intention of thinking about this woman today. All I did was wake up from a nap with a broken heart and Vanessa's name on name on my lips. In fact, I have done everything possible to move on. I am left with the conclusion that I left a part of me with her and I have yet to reclaim it.
She never was with me. She was seeing someone else, as was I. But there were very intense moments between us that while not sexual, were definitely an act of unfaithfulness within our relationships.
Those last few days were not long enough and those last few words of hers are still with me, "Is it possible to love two people?". I hung up the phone. I had never been so hurt before. This woman I was completely helpless for since day one could not just say to me, "I love you.". The odds are pretty good that if she said that to me, I would be fine. I would have been able to stop running after her.
I hope to see her again some day. I hope I can tell her how angry I am that she couldn't say those three words to me. I could tell her I am angry that she chose the wrong man, how angry I am that I missed my chance to fight for her, how angry I am that she was looking for reasons we wouldn't work, and how angry I am that I let her.
But mostly, I want to see her again so I can hug her and forgive myself for loving someone so much I couldn't move on. I want to hold her one more time so I can let go of her.
Sunday, December 22, 2013
Internet Hypersensitivity
I am not a big proponent of social networking. I prefer human beings to online, digital representations of humans. But I also like dealing with individuals, not people who see themselves as an end result of a confluence of forces of the socioeconomic demographics of said people. That does not work well within a world of immediate and overwhelming response to something that was said was unpopular. The space in which decisions can be made with reason has become as close to nil as unreasonably possible.
Yes, Phil on Duck Dynasty has said some things I disagree with. Yes, Justine Sacco was even more egregious. There have probably been a great number of horrible things of been said in the world, and on a daily basis. But there is a lack of individual accountability. Too many people read the opinions and stupid thoughts of other people they don't know and then take it personally, as if Phil and Justine were talking directly to them.
When Don Imus called a female basketball team "nappy headed hoes", the response was correct. When footage of Michael Richards screaming "Nigger" at an audience member at a comedy club, the response was correct. We looked at these people, acknowledged their bigotry, and moved the fuck on. Imus' had significant reprecussions for his insulting behavior. Richard's disappeared for the longest time. But these two were speaking specifically about certain, tangible people, and it would make sense that those individuals, the actual targets of the comments, took offense.
But when Phil defends his belief that homosexuality is sinful, it's an insult against everyone. When Justine says, "Going to Africa. Hope I don't get AIDS. Just Kidding. I'm white!", every one lost their minds. I laughed in both circumstances. Phil didn't hurt anyone. Justine landed in South Africa without a clue about the shit storm she unleashed, and, to be honest, her comment is so horrible you have to laugh at it. She's an idiot.
We, as individuals, need to treat people who say really stupid things in a better manner. Shouting them down and shutting them out accomplishes nothing. Realizing that you don't have to pay attention to someone is a liberating experience. It's also a choice. If you choose to read someone's stupidity in a personal manner, that's on you and that is fine. But let's get back to calling the village idiot a fucking idiot and got on with our lives.
Stop choosing to be offended. And just because I ran across this quote, I had to share it:
Nobody has the right to not be offended. That right doesn't exist in any declaration I have ever read.
Yes, Phil on Duck Dynasty has said some things I disagree with. Yes, Justine Sacco was even more egregious. There have probably been a great number of horrible things of been said in the world, and on a daily basis. But there is a lack of individual accountability. Too many people read the opinions and stupid thoughts of other people they don't know and then take it personally, as if Phil and Justine were talking directly to them.
When Don Imus called a female basketball team "nappy headed hoes", the response was correct. When footage of Michael Richards screaming "Nigger" at an audience member at a comedy club, the response was correct. We looked at these people, acknowledged their bigotry, and moved the fuck on. Imus' had significant reprecussions for his insulting behavior. Richard's disappeared for the longest time. But these two were speaking specifically about certain, tangible people, and it would make sense that those individuals, the actual targets of the comments, took offense.
But when Phil defends his belief that homosexuality is sinful, it's an insult against everyone. When Justine says, "Going to Africa. Hope I don't get AIDS. Just Kidding. I'm white!", every one lost their minds. I laughed in both circumstances. Phil didn't hurt anyone. Justine landed in South Africa without a clue about the shit storm she unleashed, and, to be honest, her comment is so horrible you have to laugh at it. She's an idiot.
We, as individuals, need to treat people who say really stupid things in a better manner. Shouting them down and shutting them out accomplishes nothing. Realizing that you don't have to pay attention to someone is a liberating experience. It's also a choice. If you choose to read someone's stupidity in a personal manner, that's on you and that is fine. But let's get back to calling the village idiot a fucking idiot and got on with our lives.
Stop choosing to be offended. And just because I ran across this quote, I had to share it:
Nobody has the right to not be offended. That right doesn't exist in any declaration I have ever read.
If you are offended it is your problem, and frankly lots of things offend lots of people.
I can walk into a bookshop and point out a number of books that I find very unattractive in what they say. But it doesn't occur to me to burn the bookshop down. If you don't like a book, read another book. If you start reading a book and you decide you don't like it, nobody is telling you to finish it.
To read a 600-page novel and then say that it has deeply offended you: well, you have done a lot of work to be offended.
- Sir Salman Rushdie
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Bullying the Redskins
I am a Washington Redskins fan, but this won't be an emotional argument. Rather, I would like to point out some very poor thinking on the part of those that would like to see the organization change their name. This trend has been especially noticeable this year.
Most prevalent amongst the drivle was Bob Costas accosting the Redskins on their Sunday Night game against the Dallas Cowboys. Bob's reasoning behind the need to change the Redskins' name shows it's flawed nature immediately when he says, "Even a majority of Native American's say they are not offended". Bob doesn't state what that majority is (That majority is supposedly 90% but I can't find the correct link).
Why is all of the attention being direct at the Redskins? There are plenty of high profile teams who also bear names that could be considered offensive to Native Americans (and let's remember, Native Americans is an offensive term as they didn't call this land America) Braves, Seminoles, Chiefs, Indians, Black Hawks, and plenty more if you take a quick look on the web.
Even President Obama has weighed in on the matter, "if I were the owner of the team and I knew that there was a name of my team, even if it had a storied history, that was offending a sizable group of people, I'd think about changing it." Obama's two cents on the issue don't really matter, other than they demonstrate the amount of pressure that has been created to change the Redskins' name.
All of this pressure, at both the political and street level, amounts to bullying. All of this pressure fails to acknowledge the history of the team The Washington Redskins. There is also a failure to recognize that the Redskins are a privately owned organization and Dan Snyder has the right to do with it as he sees fit. There is a failure by those offended by the word to take responsibility for themselves.
If you are offended by the Redskins' name, take the responsible action and stop watching them. If Dan Snyder does change his team's name, then the Redskins' will have committed 'suicide' (in a sense) due to the actions of others. If Dan Snyder changes his team's name, it will be due to bullying, and not because changing his team's name would be the right thing to do.
Most prevalent amongst the drivle was Bob Costas accosting the Redskins on their Sunday Night game against the Dallas Cowboys. Bob's reasoning behind the need to change the Redskins' name shows it's flawed nature immediately when he says, "Even a majority of Native American's say they are not offended". Bob doesn't state what that majority is (That majority is supposedly 90% but I can't find the correct link).
Why is all of the attention being direct at the Redskins? There are plenty of high profile teams who also bear names that could be considered offensive to Native Americans (and let's remember, Native Americans is an offensive term as they didn't call this land America) Braves, Seminoles, Chiefs, Indians, Black Hawks, and plenty more if you take a quick look on the web.
Even President Obama has weighed in on the matter, "if I were the owner of the team and I knew that there was a name of my team, even if it had a storied history, that was offending a sizable group of people, I'd think about changing it." Obama's two cents on the issue don't really matter, other than they demonstrate the amount of pressure that has been created to change the Redskins' name.
All of this pressure, at both the political and street level, amounts to bullying. All of this pressure fails to acknowledge the history of the team The Washington Redskins. There is also a failure to recognize that the Redskins are a privately owned organization and Dan Snyder has the right to do with it as he sees fit. There is a failure by those offended by the word to take responsibility for themselves.
If you are offended by the Redskins' name, take the responsible action and stop watching them. If Dan Snyder does change his team's name, then the Redskins' will have committed 'suicide' (in a sense) due to the actions of others. If Dan Snyder changes his team's name, it will be due to bullying, and not because changing his team's name would be the right thing to do.
Friday, November 22, 2013
Energy Vampires & The Assassination of JFK Jr
The mainstream media has been pumping up the 50th anniversary of JFK's assassination as if they were preparing for the best New Year's Ever party, ever. Several new documentaries have been put out. A nurse comes forward with a new account. The powers that be are really driving home their point. They killed Kennedy and they want you to know it and remember it, vividly. It is as if the general population is being prepared for another President to be removed from power.
In all likelihood, this is a massive energy trolling exercise meant to create as much 'negative' (I don't agree with this word) energy as possible for their consumption. Energy Vampires are real. They take the form of banks (usury), The Federal Reserve (creating inflation), IRS (taxes), the 'Justice System' (tickets), and so on. These are all the department store fronts for a global mafia that takes from us all until there is nothing left, then comes for blood.
In all likelihood, this is a massive energy trolling exercise meant to create as much 'negative' (I don't agree with this word) energy as possible for their consumption. Energy Vampires are real. They take the form of banks (usury), The Federal Reserve (creating inflation), IRS (taxes), the 'Justice System' (tickets), and so on. These are all the department store fronts for a global mafia that takes from us all until there is nothing left, then comes for blood.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
People Are Voting Today
And I have to wonder why. If voting actually changed anything, it would be illegal. Election after election, the people of this nation are offered false choices: The Puppet On The Left or The Puppet On The Right. Every once in awhile we get The Puppet In The Middle, or even The Puppet Out Of Left Field. But we are always down to choosing between the lesser of two of evils. I am sorry, but that is still voting for evil.
How is that a choice? What is worth voting for here? America's voting history has shown, time and again, that the people we vote for do not follow through on the reasons we vote them into office for. Yes, change has come to America by way of Obama, but it is the same change that occurs every time a new President takes office: Things get worse.
Some would think that because I don't vote, I don't get a say in the matter. That is wrong. Since you voted, you can't say shit about the result of your choice, it's your fault. All of us non-voters are trying to warn you away from being responsible for upholding a system that does not care about anyone.
If you are trying to affect the system, don't vote. Ever. If no one voted on election day, the system would have to address the fundamental reasons why people are not voting before the system itself ceases to exist (I prefer it disappear). People are voting today. They need to ask themselves why.
How is that a choice? What is worth voting for here? America's voting history has shown, time and again, that the people we vote for do not follow through on the reasons we vote them into office for. Yes, change has come to America by way of Obama, but it is the same change that occurs every time a new President takes office: Things get worse.
Some would think that because I don't vote, I don't get a say in the matter. That is wrong. Since you voted, you can't say shit about the result of your choice, it's your fault. All of us non-voters are trying to warn you away from being responsible for upholding a system that does not care about anyone.
If you are trying to affect the system, don't vote. Ever. If no one voted on election day, the system would have to address the fundamental reasons why people are not voting before the system itself ceases to exist (I prefer it disappear). People are voting today. They need to ask themselves why.
Thursday, October 17, 2013
My Eulogy - What it will probably say
As far as anyone could tell, he is dead today. Sadly though, none of us can actually know. He got fed up with the world he found himself in, one he did not know how to live in. The extreme nature of the events of his life were some most never had to endure. He never felt understood, accepted, or loved. Every step he took towards a goal pushed him further from those simple things he was looking for.
He left nothing behind except some confused people that thought of him as a friend. There was no letter, clothes, furniture, nor sign that this was coming.
There has been no indication of death. For all we know, he finally followed through on the only plan he always said he wanted to do.
We would all like to think he finally packed a bag and walked off, barefoot, into the oblivion of the world the rest of us have never encountered. He could just as easily be foraging the woods, sitting on a beach, starting over out of a homeless shelter in Alaska, or sitting in the desert just waiting for the end of his life meet up with him.
When it came to him, it really is the world that was wrong.
He left nothing behind except some confused people that thought of him as a friend. There was no letter, clothes, furniture, nor sign that this was coming.
There has been no indication of death. For all we know, he finally followed through on the only plan he always said he wanted to do.
We would all like to think he finally packed a bag and walked off, barefoot, into the oblivion of the world the rest of us have never encountered. He could just as easily be foraging the woods, sitting on a beach, starting over out of a homeless shelter in Alaska, or sitting in the desert just waiting for the end of his life meet up with him.
When it came to him, it really is the world that was wrong.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
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