Is She an Angel?
The girl with bitter on her lips,
vodka stained breath and a
hint of deceit on her collar,
she'll leave you so fast
that you will find yourself
whispering adoring words to the
wind.
She may be an Angel,
but if so, she has fallen and
looks for her way home.
Wisconsin Love Song
What she feels bad about,
she only knows.
Gorging herself on
sorrow and ice cream,
skipping the bowl and
eating straight from the carton.
She's watching a movie,
a love story of sorts,
the kind that is pure fantasy,
written and painted with fate,
and performed with bad acting.
She feels worse with
every kiss and every bite,
centralizing her sadness
into a physical place.
She's bound to feel better,
tomorrow, when the poison and cream
have mixed like one night lovers,
quickly moving on.
Collecting Worries
Collecting worries in my worried corner,
dusting off each one as they are
pulled together by lack of direction.
Another sad paycheck, one more bill
than cannot be paid, another girl
I don't have the courage to chase.
Another sad workday I have to attend,
another night spent without another friend
and nothing better to say to myself than,
This is all I deserve.
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
She knows who she is and who I am
It has been just over 6 years since I saw her. I lost a huge part of myself those few days and I have yet to recover them. It's Dec 25, 2013 and I feel just as empty as ever. I met her at Arizona State, in the only class we ever had together. She sat right next to me. After the first class ended, she headed to her next class and I found myself running after her. I caught up to her, but I never really did stop running.
I had no intention of thinking about this woman today. All I did was wake up from a nap with a broken heart and Vanessa's name on name on my lips. In fact, I have done everything possible to move on. I am left with the conclusion that I left a part of me with her and I have yet to reclaim it.
She never was with me. She was seeing someone else, as was I. But there were very intense moments between us that while not sexual, were definitely an act of unfaithfulness within our relationships.
Those last few days were not long enough and those last few words of hers are still with me, "Is it possible to love two people?". I hung up the phone. I had never been so hurt before. This woman I was completely helpless for since day one could not just say to me, "I love you.". The odds are pretty good that if she said that to me, I would be fine. I would have been able to stop running after her.
I hope to see her again some day. I hope I can tell her how angry I am that she couldn't say those three words to me. I could tell her I am angry that she chose the wrong man, how angry I am that I missed my chance to fight for her, how angry I am that she was looking for reasons we wouldn't work, and how angry I am that I let her.
But mostly, I want to see her again so I can hug her and forgive myself for loving someone so much I couldn't move on. I want to hold her one more time so I can let go of her.
I had no intention of thinking about this woman today. All I did was wake up from a nap with a broken heart and Vanessa's name on name on my lips. In fact, I have done everything possible to move on. I am left with the conclusion that I left a part of me with her and I have yet to reclaim it.
She never was with me. She was seeing someone else, as was I. But there were very intense moments between us that while not sexual, were definitely an act of unfaithfulness within our relationships.
Those last few days were not long enough and those last few words of hers are still with me, "Is it possible to love two people?". I hung up the phone. I had never been so hurt before. This woman I was completely helpless for since day one could not just say to me, "I love you.". The odds are pretty good that if she said that to me, I would be fine. I would have been able to stop running after her.
I hope to see her again some day. I hope I can tell her how angry I am that she couldn't say those three words to me. I could tell her I am angry that she chose the wrong man, how angry I am that I missed my chance to fight for her, how angry I am that she was looking for reasons we wouldn't work, and how angry I am that I let her.
But mostly, I want to see her again so I can hug her and forgive myself for loving someone so much I couldn't move on. I want to hold her one more time so I can let go of her.
Sunday, December 22, 2013
Internet Hypersensitivity
I am not a big proponent of social networking. I prefer human beings to online, digital representations of humans. But I also like dealing with individuals, not people who see themselves as an end result of a confluence of forces of the socioeconomic demographics of said people. That does not work well within a world of immediate and overwhelming response to something that was said was unpopular. The space in which decisions can be made with reason has become as close to nil as unreasonably possible.
Yes, Phil on Duck Dynasty has said some things I disagree with. Yes, Justine Sacco was even more egregious. There have probably been a great number of horrible things of been said in the world, and on a daily basis. But there is a lack of individual accountability. Too many people read the opinions and stupid thoughts of other people they don't know and then take it personally, as if Phil and Justine were talking directly to them.
When Don Imus called a female basketball team "nappy headed hoes", the response was correct. When footage of Michael Richards screaming "Nigger" at an audience member at a comedy club, the response was correct. We looked at these people, acknowledged their bigotry, and moved the fuck on. Imus' had significant reprecussions for his insulting behavior. Richard's disappeared for the longest time. But these two were speaking specifically about certain, tangible people, and it would make sense that those individuals, the actual targets of the comments, took offense.
But when Phil defends his belief that homosexuality is sinful, it's an insult against everyone. When Justine says, "Going to Africa. Hope I don't get AIDS. Just Kidding. I'm white!", every one lost their minds. I laughed in both circumstances. Phil didn't hurt anyone. Justine landed in South Africa without a clue about the shit storm she unleashed, and, to be honest, her comment is so horrible you have to laugh at it. She's an idiot.
We, as individuals, need to treat people who say really stupid things in a better manner. Shouting them down and shutting them out accomplishes nothing. Realizing that you don't have to pay attention to someone is a liberating experience. It's also a choice. If you choose to read someone's stupidity in a personal manner, that's on you and that is fine. But let's get back to calling the village idiot a fucking idiot and got on with our lives.
Stop choosing to be offended. And just because I ran across this quote, I had to share it:
Nobody has the right to not be offended. That right doesn't exist in any declaration I have ever read.
Yes, Phil on Duck Dynasty has said some things I disagree with. Yes, Justine Sacco was even more egregious. There have probably been a great number of horrible things of been said in the world, and on a daily basis. But there is a lack of individual accountability. Too many people read the opinions and stupid thoughts of other people they don't know and then take it personally, as if Phil and Justine were talking directly to them.
When Don Imus called a female basketball team "nappy headed hoes", the response was correct. When footage of Michael Richards screaming "Nigger" at an audience member at a comedy club, the response was correct. We looked at these people, acknowledged their bigotry, and moved the fuck on. Imus' had significant reprecussions for his insulting behavior. Richard's disappeared for the longest time. But these two were speaking specifically about certain, tangible people, and it would make sense that those individuals, the actual targets of the comments, took offense.
But when Phil defends his belief that homosexuality is sinful, it's an insult against everyone. When Justine says, "Going to Africa. Hope I don't get AIDS. Just Kidding. I'm white!", every one lost their minds. I laughed in both circumstances. Phil didn't hurt anyone. Justine landed in South Africa without a clue about the shit storm she unleashed, and, to be honest, her comment is so horrible you have to laugh at it. She's an idiot.
We, as individuals, need to treat people who say really stupid things in a better manner. Shouting them down and shutting them out accomplishes nothing. Realizing that you don't have to pay attention to someone is a liberating experience. It's also a choice. If you choose to read someone's stupidity in a personal manner, that's on you and that is fine. But let's get back to calling the village idiot a fucking idiot and got on with our lives.
Stop choosing to be offended. And just because I ran across this quote, I had to share it:
Nobody has the right to not be offended. That right doesn't exist in any declaration I have ever read.
If you are offended it is your problem, and frankly lots of things offend lots of people.
I can walk into a bookshop and point out a number of books that I find very unattractive in what they say. But it doesn't occur to me to burn the bookshop down. If you don't like a book, read another book. If you start reading a book and you decide you don't like it, nobody is telling you to finish it.
To read a 600-page novel and then say that it has deeply offended you: well, you have done a lot of work to be offended.
- Sir Salman Rushdie
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Bullying the Redskins
I am a Washington Redskins fan, but this won't be an emotional argument. Rather, I would like to point out some very poor thinking on the part of those that would like to see the organization change their name. This trend has been especially noticeable this year.
Most prevalent amongst the drivle was Bob Costas accosting the Redskins on their Sunday Night game against the Dallas Cowboys. Bob's reasoning behind the need to change the Redskins' name shows it's flawed nature immediately when he says, "Even a majority of Native American's say they are not offended". Bob doesn't state what that majority is (That majority is supposedly 90% but I can't find the correct link).
Why is all of the attention being direct at the Redskins? There are plenty of high profile teams who also bear names that could be considered offensive to Native Americans (and let's remember, Native Americans is an offensive term as they didn't call this land America) Braves, Seminoles, Chiefs, Indians, Black Hawks, and plenty more if you take a quick look on the web.
Even President Obama has weighed in on the matter, "if I were the owner of the team and I knew that there was a name of my team, even if it had a storied history, that was offending a sizable group of people, I'd think about changing it." Obama's two cents on the issue don't really matter, other than they demonstrate the amount of pressure that has been created to change the Redskins' name.
All of this pressure, at both the political and street level, amounts to bullying. All of this pressure fails to acknowledge the history of the team The Washington Redskins. There is also a failure to recognize that the Redskins are a privately owned organization and Dan Snyder has the right to do with it as he sees fit. There is a failure by those offended by the word to take responsibility for themselves.
If you are offended by the Redskins' name, take the responsible action and stop watching them. If Dan Snyder does change his team's name, then the Redskins' will have committed 'suicide' (in a sense) due to the actions of others. If Dan Snyder changes his team's name, it will be due to bullying, and not because changing his team's name would be the right thing to do.
Most prevalent amongst the drivle was Bob Costas accosting the Redskins on their Sunday Night game against the Dallas Cowboys. Bob's reasoning behind the need to change the Redskins' name shows it's flawed nature immediately when he says, "Even a majority of Native American's say they are not offended". Bob doesn't state what that majority is (That majority is supposedly 90% but I can't find the correct link).
Why is all of the attention being direct at the Redskins? There are plenty of high profile teams who also bear names that could be considered offensive to Native Americans (and let's remember, Native Americans is an offensive term as they didn't call this land America) Braves, Seminoles, Chiefs, Indians, Black Hawks, and plenty more if you take a quick look on the web.
Even President Obama has weighed in on the matter, "if I were the owner of the team and I knew that there was a name of my team, even if it had a storied history, that was offending a sizable group of people, I'd think about changing it." Obama's two cents on the issue don't really matter, other than they demonstrate the amount of pressure that has been created to change the Redskins' name.
All of this pressure, at both the political and street level, amounts to bullying. All of this pressure fails to acknowledge the history of the team The Washington Redskins. There is also a failure to recognize that the Redskins are a privately owned organization and Dan Snyder has the right to do with it as he sees fit. There is a failure by those offended by the word to take responsibility for themselves.
If you are offended by the Redskins' name, take the responsible action and stop watching them. If Dan Snyder does change his team's name, then the Redskins' will have committed 'suicide' (in a sense) due to the actions of others. If Dan Snyder changes his team's name, it will be due to bullying, and not because changing his team's name would be the right thing to do.
Friday, November 22, 2013
Energy Vampires & The Assassination of JFK Jr
The mainstream media has been pumping up the 50th anniversary of JFK's assassination as if they were preparing for the best New Year's Ever party, ever. Several new documentaries have been put out. A nurse comes forward with a new account. The powers that be are really driving home their point. They killed Kennedy and they want you to know it and remember it, vividly. It is as if the general population is being prepared for another President to be removed from power.
In all likelihood, this is a massive energy trolling exercise meant to create as much 'negative' (I don't agree with this word) energy as possible for their consumption. Energy Vampires are real. They take the form of banks (usury), The Federal Reserve (creating inflation), IRS (taxes), the 'Justice System' (tickets), and so on. These are all the department store fronts for a global mafia that takes from us all until there is nothing left, then comes for blood.
In all likelihood, this is a massive energy trolling exercise meant to create as much 'negative' (I don't agree with this word) energy as possible for their consumption. Energy Vampires are real. They take the form of banks (usury), The Federal Reserve (creating inflation), IRS (taxes), the 'Justice System' (tickets), and so on. These are all the department store fronts for a global mafia that takes from us all until there is nothing left, then comes for blood.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
People Are Voting Today
And I have to wonder why. If voting actually changed anything, it would be illegal. Election after election, the people of this nation are offered false choices: The Puppet On The Left or The Puppet On The Right. Every once in awhile we get The Puppet In The Middle, or even The Puppet Out Of Left Field. But we are always down to choosing between the lesser of two of evils. I am sorry, but that is still voting for evil.
How is that a choice? What is worth voting for here? America's voting history has shown, time and again, that the people we vote for do not follow through on the reasons we vote them into office for. Yes, change has come to America by way of Obama, but it is the same change that occurs every time a new President takes office: Things get worse.
Some would think that because I don't vote, I don't get a say in the matter. That is wrong. Since you voted, you can't say shit about the result of your choice, it's your fault. All of us non-voters are trying to warn you away from being responsible for upholding a system that does not care about anyone.
If you are trying to affect the system, don't vote. Ever. If no one voted on election day, the system would have to address the fundamental reasons why people are not voting before the system itself ceases to exist (I prefer it disappear). People are voting today. They need to ask themselves why.
How is that a choice? What is worth voting for here? America's voting history has shown, time and again, that the people we vote for do not follow through on the reasons we vote them into office for. Yes, change has come to America by way of Obama, but it is the same change that occurs every time a new President takes office: Things get worse.
Some would think that because I don't vote, I don't get a say in the matter. That is wrong. Since you voted, you can't say shit about the result of your choice, it's your fault. All of us non-voters are trying to warn you away from being responsible for upholding a system that does not care about anyone.
If you are trying to affect the system, don't vote. Ever. If no one voted on election day, the system would have to address the fundamental reasons why people are not voting before the system itself ceases to exist (I prefer it disappear). People are voting today. They need to ask themselves why.
Thursday, October 17, 2013
My Eulogy - What it will probably say
As far as anyone could tell, he is dead today. Sadly though, none of us can actually know. He got fed up with the world he found himself in, one he did not know how to live in. The extreme nature of the events of his life were some most never had to endure. He never felt understood, accepted, or loved. Every step he took towards a goal pushed him further from those simple things he was looking for.
He left nothing behind except some confused people that thought of him as a friend. There was no letter, clothes, furniture, nor sign that this was coming.
There has been no indication of death. For all we know, he finally followed through on the only plan he always said he wanted to do.
We would all like to think he finally packed a bag and walked off, barefoot, into the oblivion of the world the rest of us have never encountered. He could just as easily be foraging the woods, sitting on a beach, starting over out of a homeless shelter in Alaska, or sitting in the desert just waiting for the end of his life meet up with him.
When it came to him, it really is the world that was wrong.
He left nothing behind except some confused people that thought of him as a friend. There was no letter, clothes, furniture, nor sign that this was coming.
There has been no indication of death. For all we know, he finally followed through on the only plan he always said he wanted to do.
We would all like to think he finally packed a bag and walked off, barefoot, into the oblivion of the world the rest of us have never encountered. He could just as easily be foraging the woods, sitting on a beach, starting over out of a homeless shelter in Alaska, or sitting in the desert just waiting for the end of his life meet up with him.
When it came to him, it really is the world that was wrong.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Thursday, September 5, 2013
I Don't Give A Shit
The title is actually the most frequent compliment I've ever received. It's not that "I don't give a shit". It's that I care differently. There is a huge difference. It's a judgment about me based on who the other person is, not on who I am.
I have no doubt a great many people are guilty of this, seeing a characteristic in another person which isn't there, or is misunderstood. My prime example is about the second to last relationship I had. I was dating a woman, not for who she was, but for who I saw she could be. It was mostly a sexual tryst, but I saw more than what it was. Fortunately, it was the final chapter of my, well, being a slut.
Yes. Dudes can be sluts too.
The number of women I slept with between graduating high school, 4 years in the Army, and 4 years at ASU, is one I do not care to repeat. Most of it is also so far behind me, it feels like it was another person who went through it, not me. When that last sexual tryst reached its conclusion, pun intended, I decided that I no longer wanted sex. I wanted a relationship.
As sweeping decisions immediately have the chance to be unmade, I met another girl within a month. She was focused on the sex. I was focused on us getting to know one another. It was weird. It also ended quickly. She thought I didn't give a shit.
Back when I was going to ASU, I was doing a student-teacher program involving local schools. Another student teacher worked with me at the same high school on the same day. It was only a day, or two, after Hurricane Katrina. She asked me what I thought about it. I answered, "I don't give a shit." To which she responded, "You're an asshole."
She didn't ride with me after that, but she did expose me to the idea of Fake Sympathy. The aftermath of Hurricane Katrina was being broadcast 24-7, for weeks on end. The tragedy of the levee's failing in New Orleans truly was terrible. But how many people who "cared" actually did something about it? Sending money doesn't count, because you don't know for a fact it did anything for anyone suffering. So how many "caring" people actually DID something?
Fake Sympathy is worse than genuinely not caring. What I care about is the bigger picture. In my two most recent failed relationships and the Student-Teacher Carpooler was a matter of perception. On the relationship level, it's fine. I personally want to be with someone who I like, because I see them for who they are, and they like me, because they see me for who I am.
On the bigger issues, like Katrina, we need to seem them for what they are, perceptual problems. The tragedy in New Orleans wasn't the hurricane, nor the levees failing. The problem was government intervention. While America was shown images of the US Gov't more, or less, on vacation, what they weren't shown were the door-to-door gun confiscations, the blockading of highways preventing necessities from getting into the city, the willingness to prevent the staging of needed resources prior to the hurricane hitting the mainland.
The problem was law enforcement officials on the highways killing innocent people who made it out of the disaster zone. The problem was that New Orleans was a Beta Test for Martial Law in America. The problem was that the disaster of the Super Dome was force fed directly to your home, with the end result leaving you feeling as helpless as the victims dying from a lack of water.
The problem was 9-11 was done by Al-Qaeda, which became 9-11 was done by Afghanistan, then Iraq, then 'The War on Terrorism', then 'global struggle against violent extremism', which never ends.
The problem was the De-Facto Martial Law after the BP Disaster in The Gulf.
The problem was the De-Facto Martial Law in Boston after the bombing.
The problem was the MSM informing us about the 'Arab Spring', but not telling us what was happening.
The problem is the Fake Sympathy.
The problem is that Fake Sympathy is caused by brainwashing.
The problem is the Perception of the TV Viewer.
The problem is you and your goddamn TV.
So no, I don't give a shit.
That's because I don't have a Perceptual Problem.
I'm looking at the Cause, not the Symptoms.
You look at his Minions, while I'm staring at The Devil.
I have no doubt a great many people are guilty of this, seeing a characteristic in another person which isn't there, or is misunderstood. My prime example is about the second to last relationship I had. I was dating a woman, not for who she was, but for who I saw she could be. It was mostly a sexual tryst, but I saw more than what it was. Fortunately, it was the final chapter of my, well, being a slut.
Yes. Dudes can be sluts too.
The number of women I slept with between graduating high school, 4 years in the Army, and 4 years at ASU, is one I do not care to repeat. Most of it is also so far behind me, it feels like it was another person who went through it, not me. When that last sexual tryst reached its conclusion, pun intended, I decided that I no longer wanted sex. I wanted a relationship.
As sweeping decisions immediately have the chance to be unmade, I met another girl within a month. She was focused on the sex. I was focused on us getting to know one another. It was weird. It also ended quickly. She thought I didn't give a shit.
Back when I was going to ASU, I was doing a student-teacher program involving local schools. Another student teacher worked with me at the same high school on the same day. It was only a day, or two, after Hurricane Katrina. She asked me what I thought about it. I answered, "I don't give a shit." To which she responded, "You're an asshole."
She didn't ride with me after that, but she did expose me to the idea of Fake Sympathy. The aftermath of Hurricane Katrina was being broadcast 24-7, for weeks on end. The tragedy of the levee's failing in New Orleans truly was terrible. But how many people who "cared" actually did something about it? Sending money doesn't count, because you don't know for a fact it did anything for anyone suffering. So how many "caring" people actually DID something?
Fake Sympathy is worse than genuinely not caring. What I care about is the bigger picture. In my two most recent failed relationships and the Student-Teacher Carpooler was a matter of perception. On the relationship level, it's fine. I personally want to be with someone who I like, because I see them for who they are, and they like me, because they see me for who I am.
On the bigger issues, like Katrina, we need to seem them for what they are, perceptual problems. The tragedy in New Orleans wasn't the hurricane, nor the levees failing. The problem was government intervention. While America was shown images of the US Gov't more, or less, on vacation, what they weren't shown were the door-to-door gun confiscations, the blockading of highways preventing necessities from getting into the city, the willingness to prevent the staging of needed resources prior to the hurricane hitting the mainland.
The problem was law enforcement officials on the highways killing innocent people who made it out of the disaster zone. The problem was that New Orleans was a Beta Test for Martial Law in America. The problem was that the disaster of the Super Dome was force fed directly to your home, with the end result leaving you feeling as helpless as the victims dying from a lack of water.
The problem was 9-11 was done by Al-Qaeda, which became 9-11 was done by Afghanistan, then Iraq, then 'The War on Terrorism', then 'global struggle against violent extremism', which never ends.
The problem was the De-Facto Martial Law after the BP Disaster in The Gulf.
The problem was the De-Facto Martial Law in Boston after the bombing.
The problem was the MSM informing us about the 'Arab Spring', but not telling us what was happening.
The problem is the Fake Sympathy.
The problem is that Fake Sympathy is caused by brainwashing.
The problem is the Perception of the TV Viewer.
The problem is you and your goddamn TV.
So no, I don't give a shit.
That's because I don't have a Perceptual Problem.
I'm looking at the Cause, not the Symptoms.
You look at his Minions, while I'm staring at The Devil.
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
The Awakening VS The Global Control Network
I am an Anarchistic Pacifist, and there are a myriad of other words I want to employ in describing Who I Am. At this moment, I prefer the use of those two words. I am a True Anarchist. I oppose all methods of control. There is nothing better for controlling the masses than war. Tremendous resources are directed toward the elimination of huge numbers of people on this planet and war allows the Eugenic Population Reduction Plan to take large chunks of people to their grave beyond reckoning.
I am quite surprised that Syria is still standing today. All other targeted nations have fallen. The following link is to a conversation Gen. Wesley Clark had with Amy Goodman on Democracy Now! in 2007:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r8FhZnFZ6TY
[Sorry, I don't know how to embed videos, and I don't really want to learn how, unless it's really, really, really easy (leave instructions as a comment).]
The 'conflict' in Syria has been going on for two years. Al-Qaeda are the supposed 'rebels', who were the supposed 'rebels' in every other Middle East nation that has fallen. The 'spontaneous rebellions' in the Middle East were planned well in advance. You may very well be aware of David Icke. Whether you agree with him or not, he does know what he is talking about. To that end, this is Part 1 of two videos discussing the truth about what is happening in the Middle East:
Watch up to 5:25 and then skip to 34:20. The gap includes really annoying sound effects and live footage I don't find useful to any end at this time.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XHMefcSatMs
Why is Syria still standing? Why hasn't 'Merica! involved itself yet? Why haven't the ''Guv'ment" & MSM lies been able to sink into the Public Hive-Mind? It is due to The Awakening. People all over the world are realizing that the world is a lie. Every shred of 'truth' we're given comes with billions of unanswered questions by those fed the 'truth'. So, these people all over the world have started to look for answers to their own questions.
Loosely, these individuals are called the "Alternative Media". Plenty of false prophets and disinformation abounds online. Some on purpose, some ill informed, and some are just ill. But, like X-Files says, "The Truth Is Out There". Fortunately, for those looking for answers, bullshit, in any platform or presentation, always smells like bullshit.
Because people are looking for answers, they are being found. These answers are causing a greater divide between The Awakening and The Global Control Network. The Awakening is so significant that even Soldiers within the American Military have taken up a method of Nonresistance:
http://endoftheamericandream.com/archives/ididntjoin-stunning-photos-of-u-s-service-members-publicly-saying-no-to-war-with-Syria
Syria is still standing because of those who are Awakening, those who are Waking Up, those who are finding real Truth. I hold firm on the idea that WW3 cannot kick off until Syria falls. I am not picking the lesser of two evils here, as the choice is still to choose evil. The possibility is slowly presenting itself that Syria will not fall and WW3 will not happen in the manner it was planned. As it stands, WW3 is already well behind schedule.
Barrack Obama, John Kerry, and who know what other useless, soulless, sellout will participate, have been completely unable to drum any support for intervention in Syria. Not even the UK is on board. Seriously, how unpopular does something have to be when the country with "The Bedroom Tax" won't do it?
Obama, Mr. Constitutional Scholar who is more anti-Constitution than any previous president, even said he'd take this issue to Congress. Sure, Obama will likely want to go bomb brown people in Syria for no better reason than that The Global Control Network tells him to, because it's Their plan, not his. The more the military shows itself in opposition to inserting itself in Syria, the more likely we won't go.
#IDidntJoin has all of my support, as I am an Army Vet who has become a Pacifist. The military is where The Global Control Network has their foot soldiers, people willing to kill and die in causes that are not their own. This is how wide spread The Awakening is. The Global Control Network is losing control of those under its strictest control mechanism, the Military.
I am quite surprised that Syria is still standing today. All other targeted nations have fallen. The following link is to a conversation Gen. Wesley Clark had with Amy Goodman on Democracy Now! in 2007:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r8FhZnFZ6TY
[Sorry, I don't know how to embed videos, and I don't really want to learn how, unless it's really, really, really easy (leave instructions as a comment).]
The 'conflict' in Syria has been going on for two years. Al-Qaeda are the supposed 'rebels', who were the supposed 'rebels' in every other Middle East nation that has fallen. The 'spontaneous rebellions' in the Middle East were planned well in advance. You may very well be aware of David Icke. Whether you agree with him or not, he does know what he is talking about. To that end, this is Part 1 of two videos discussing the truth about what is happening in the Middle East:
Watch up to 5:25 and then skip to 34:20. The gap includes really annoying sound effects and live footage I don't find useful to any end at this time.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XHMefcSatMs
Why is Syria still standing? Why hasn't 'Merica! involved itself yet? Why haven't the ''Guv'ment" & MSM lies been able to sink into the Public Hive-Mind? It is due to The Awakening. People all over the world are realizing that the world is a lie. Every shred of 'truth' we're given comes with billions of unanswered questions by those fed the 'truth'. So, these people all over the world have started to look for answers to their own questions.
Loosely, these individuals are called the "Alternative Media". Plenty of false prophets and disinformation abounds online. Some on purpose, some ill informed, and some are just ill. But, like X-Files says, "The Truth Is Out There". Fortunately, for those looking for answers, bullshit, in any platform or presentation, always smells like bullshit.
Because people are looking for answers, they are being found. These answers are causing a greater divide between The Awakening and The Global Control Network. The Awakening is so significant that even Soldiers within the American Military have taken up a method of Nonresistance:
http://endoftheamericandream.com/archives/ididntjoin-stunning-photos-of-u-s-service-members-publicly-saying-no-to-war-with-Syria
Syria is still standing because of those who are Awakening, those who are Waking Up, those who are finding real Truth. I hold firm on the idea that WW3 cannot kick off until Syria falls. I am not picking the lesser of two evils here, as the choice is still to choose evil. The possibility is slowly presenting itself that Syria will not fall and WW3 will not happen in the manner it was planned. As it stands, WW3 is already well behind schedule.
Barrack Obama, John Kerry, and who know what other useless, soulless, sellout will participate, have been completely unable to drum any support for intervention in Syria. Not even the UK is on board. Seriously, how unpopular does something have to be when the country with "The Bedroom Tax" won't do it?
Obama, Mr. Constitutional Scholar who is more anti-Constitution than any previous president, even said he'd take this issue to Congress. Sure, Obama will likely want to go bomb brown people in Syria for no better reason than that The Global Control Network tells him to, because it's Their plan, not his. The more the military shows itself in opposition to inserting itself in Syria, the more likely we won't go.
#IDidntJoin has all of my support, as I am an Army Vet who has become a Pacifist. The military is where The Global Control Network has their foot soldiers, people willing to kill and die in causes that are not their own. This is how wide spread The Awakening is. The Global Control Network is losing control of those under its strictest control mechanism, the Military.
Monday, August 26, 2013
Army Basic Training vs Cult Brainwashing
I have yet to find a webpage I can link to for support on the stages of cult indoctrination. Or at least, a site that provides the same steps that I remember having to deal with while in my first 6 months of Army training.
Recruitment. Any group that has the intention of continuing on past its current members needs additional members. Thus the need to recruit individuals. Cults all have their recruitment grounds and the Military is no different. I met my recruiter in my high school cafeteria. (Quick aside, how fucked up is it that this guy was given permission to go into a high school, spew a bunch of bull to a bunch of kids who don't know any better?)
Warming Up To. Any good recruiter will say and do any number of mostly reasonable things, so long as he, or she believe you will sign up. Yes, the Army will help make you the best version of you possible. Just do everything you're told, don't ask questions, and you'll be everything you can be. It's also the same 'Salvation Pitch' any good cult uses.
Separation. After the paperwork is signed, it is time to isolate the individual from their friends, family, and familiar surroundings. Cults will take the initiate into a commune of sorts. Probably a massive building, a lack of windows, in a disorientating location. Can't let these initiates know 'where' they are, physically, or mentally. I was flown to Butt-Fuck-Nowhere, OK, by way of TX. Even if I wanted to run away, I wouldn't be able to find the front gates. My Basic Training unit wasn't allowed to make the first call home until 8 days after our arrival, which was the second Sunday we were there.
Loss of Individuality: Shaved heads, enough said. But for the sake of thoroughness, every individual wears the exact same article of clothing, head to toe. Every individual must act in concert with the rest of the group. Just think of any military movie in which all members exercise in a nearly identical manner. That is a grotesque loss of individuality.
Physical Exhaustion & Sleep Deprivation. Used in tandem, these two items are a lot to overcome. I don't even know how many push-ups and sit-ups I did the first day we showed up for Day 1 of Basic Training. It was ridiculous. But then of course, it was lights out at 10 p.m., knowing full well we would all be up until at least 11 p.m.. Our Drill Sergeants gave us a trash can wake up call at about 3:30 a.m. with tons more running, push-ups and sit-ups. After that, I don't really remember Basic.
Controlling the Food. We really had no ability to control when we could eat. Breakfast and dinner were at set times, MRE's could be spread out through the day, if our Drill Sergeants weren't making sure we ate all of it that is. I think we were finally allowed to store a snack or two in the final two weeks of our twelve week Basic Training.
Dependency. This is the end result of Basic & MOS Training and cult indoctrination, turning individuals into replaceable parts. I had to say and do the right things to end negative conditioning in order to earn the privilege to eat, shower, and sleep. Every individual had to demonstrate enough similarity to one another, in thought and action. Once the agreement has been made in full between the system (military/cult), the individual no longer exists and is now part of the whole. The individuals well being, mentally and physically, depends on approval from the group.
Next time around I'll get into some issues I have with the military, in general, but for now, I'll leave you with one of the best movie quotes ever:
"Suck on this at one time" - Bones Conway (played by Polly Shore) in the movie, In The Army Now.
Recruitment. Any group that has the intention of continuing on past its current members needs additional members. Thus the need to recruit individuals. Cults all have their recruitment grounds and the Military is no different. I met my recruiter in my high school cafeteria. (Quick aside, how fucked up is it that this guy was given permission to go into a high school, spew a bunch of bull to a bunch of kids who don't know any better?)
Warming Up To. Any good recruiter will say and do any number of mostly reasonable things, so long as he, or she believe you will sign up. Yes, the Army will help make you the best version of you possible. Just do everything you're told, don't ask questions, and you'll be everything you can be. It's also the same 'Salvation Pitch' any good cult uses.
Separation. After the paperwork is signed, it is time to isolate the individual from their friends, family, and familiar surroundings. Cults will take the initiate into a commune of sorts. Probably a massive building, a lack of windows, in a disorientating location. Can't let these initiates know 'where' they are, physically, or mentally. I was flown to Butt-Fuck-Nowhere, OK, by way of TX. Even if I wanted to run away, I wouldn't be able to find the front gates. My Basic Training unit wasn't allowed to make the first call home until 8 days after our arrival, which was the second Sunday we were there.
Loss of Individuality: Shaved heads, enough said. But for the sake of thoroughness, every individual wears the exact same article of clothing, head to toe. Every individual must act in concert with the rest of the group. Just think of any military movie in which all members exercise in a nearly identical manner. That is a grotesque loss of individuality.
Physical Exhaustion & Sleep Deprivation. Used in tandem, these two items are a lot to overcome. I don't even know how many push-ups and sit-ups I did the first day we showed up for Day 1 of Basic Training. It was ridiculous. But then of course, it was lights out at 10 p.m., knowing full well we would all be up until at least 11 p.m.. Our Drill Sergeants gave us a trash can wake up call at about 3:30 a.m. with tons more running, push-ups and sit-ups. After that, I don't really remember Basic.
Controlling the Food. We really had no ability to control when we could eat. Breakfast and dinner were at set times, MRE's could be spread out through the day, if our Drill Sergeants weren't making sure we ate all of it that is. I think we were finally allowed to store a snack or two in the final two weeks of our twelve week Basic Training.
Dependency. This is the end result of Basic & MOS Training and cult indoctrination, turning individuals into replaceable parts. I had to say and do the right things to end negative conditioning in order to earn the privilege to eat, shower, and sleep. Every individual had to demonstrate enough similarity to one another, in thought and action. Once the agreement has been made in full between the system (military/cult), the individual no longer exists and is now part of the whole. The individuals well being, mentally and physically, depends on approval from the group.
Next time around I'll get into some issues I have with the military, in general, but for now, I'll leave you with one of the best movie quotes ever:
"Suck on this at one time" - Bones Conway (played by Polly Shore) in the movie, In The Army Now.
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Possession, Possessions, and Theft
Possession - 1) The act of having or taking into control. 2) Something owned, occupied, or controlled. (Meriam-Webster's dictionary.)
An ex-girlfriend of mine once remarked it was really difficult to buy me presents because I don't "like stuff". I did have cd's, dvd's, t.v., clothes and books. But I never invested myself in things. My pictures were in a box, my clothes on hangers, books on shelves and so on. If one were to see my room, they would notice blank walls more than anything else. They would eventually see the total lack of knick-knacks and so on.
My ex's comment was said to me on my birthday, at dinner with my mom. My mom nodded in agreement with her. She didn't say how long she tried to find the gift she gave me, which was a box set of early George Carlin dvd's (I still have that one). While she totally nailed that present, it got me thinking on the nature of possessions and why specific things matter to us.
When we buy things, we are imbuing those objects with our energy. We had to work to obtain the money to buy the thing. It's an energetic trade. Those things we care about most (not people, nor pets) we wind up putting more of our energy into.
When we have our things stolen, the common response is emotionally painful to one degree, or another. The things that were stolen from us aren't the cause of the pain, rather it is the theft of the energy we have placed in these objects that hurts. The trinket holds small parts of ourselves. When the theft occurs, it is small parts of ourselves that is being stolen.
This leads to the question, what is it doing the possessing? Us? Or the object?
An ex-girlfriend of mine once remarked it was really difficult to buy me presents because I don't "like stuff". I did have cd's, dvd's, t.v., clothes and books. But I never invested myself in things. My pictures were in a box, my clothes on hangers, books on shelves and so on. If one were to see my room, they would notice blank walls more than anything else. They would eventually see the total lack of knick-knacks and so on.
My ex's comment was said to me on my birthday, at dinner with my mom. My mom nodded in agreement with her. She didn't say how long she tried to find the gift she gave me, which was a box set of early George Carlin dvd's (I still have that one). While she totally nailed that present, it got me thinking on the nature of possessions and why specific things matter to us.
When we buy things, we are imbuing those objects with our energy. We had to work to obtain the money to buy the thing. It's an energetic trade. Those things we care about most (not people, nor pets) we wind up putting more of our energy into.
When we have our things stolen, the common response is emotionally painful to one degree, or another. The things that were stolen from us aren't the cause of the pain, rather it is the theft of the energy we have placed in these objects that hurts. The trinket holds small parts of ourselves. When the theft occurs, it is small parts of ourselves that is being stolen.
This leads to the question, what is it doing the possessing? Us? Or the object?
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Clipboard Obedience
Before diving into what Clipboard Obedience is, take a second to glance through, and listen to, Mark Dice and some of the craziness he presents as a petition and still manages to get people to sign. The video linked is for repealing the Bill of Rights, something he does not actually believe in doing:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0he0cqHH20&feature=c4-overview-vl&list=PLa8S4GilqogQILnrvxLgZREFkebrMfJ3f
A few other individuals operate in the same manner as Mark Dice, but I believe the one man provides sufficient information for the topic. A friend, who will remain anonymous (but not THAT anonymous), and I, have been having an email conversation about this and he suggested that Clipboard Obedience is akin to Pluralistic Ignorance. Apologies for the second link, but Pluralistic Ignorance is an interesting concept by itself: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pluralistic_ignorance
To deal with the idea of Clipboard Obedience, here are some ideas on why The Clipboard is so important in petitioning the population:
1) Lack of a clipboard signals a lack of seriousness of the individual.
2) It is difficult sign anything without support for the paper, or pen. Laziness and impatience would kick in with the understanding of how hard it is to sign an unsupported piece of paper.
The following is just the enumeration of ideas that would lead someone to sign a petition, on a clipboard:
1) Easiness. Individuals may sign just because they think it'll only take 2 seconds.
2) Surprise. The petitioner is usually in an area that is uncommon to individuals standing around. Petitioning in such an area would leave the individual without sufficient time to adjust their train of thought enough to pay attention to what's being said.
3) Distraction: If the person has a phone in their hand, they aren't paying attention to anything being said by the petitioner.
4) Other Signatories (Pluralistic Ignorance possibly ties in here): If other names are on the petition, the illusion of the rationality of the petition is created.
5) Listening for Keywords / Lack of Familiarity with Petitioner: This is the least defined idea, and is based on my personal experiences. As an Army Veteran, I encounter plenty of linguistic difficulties when speaking with a new person. I do not know how they use their words. This lack of familiarity with the person will cause me to listen to certain words to grasp the broader understanding of what the stranger is saying. I do not doubt others can be tricked into signing petitions through use of certain words, regardless of the context.
6) Social Media Narcissism: I consider it to be normal for an individual to want to leave their imprint in the world (usually done through procreation). However, in the Age of Information, we now have MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and other ME orientated websites, including all the petition based websites. It becomes common practice to leave a personal imprint in as many places as possible. This would have plenty of real world carry over.
7) Illusion of Authority: The clipboard itself tends to signify the authority of the holder. Here is every job I can think of in which a person has a clipboard: Doctors, nurses, teachers, researchers, political staffers, scientists, foremen, secretaries, coaches, shrinks, and so on. All positions in which authority is given over to the individual with the clipboard.
8) Lack of Expectation / Value of Privacy: This ties into Social Media Narcissism. We put our names on so many things beyond just the internet, like new employee paperwork, government forms, frequent shopper discount card forms and so on. Giving our name away so frequently to unknown persons and entities is a very frequent event in our lives.
That is the end of Clipboard Obedience today. I will revisit this after I have spent more time on the subject matter with my nameless amigo.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0he0cqHH20&feature=c4-overview-vl&list=PLa8S4GilqogQILnrvxLgZREFkebrMfJ3f
A few other individuals operate in the same manner as Mark Dice, but I believe the one man provides sufficient information for the topic. A friend, who will remain anonymous (but not THAT anonymous), and I, have been having an email conversation about this and he suggested that Clipboard Obedience is akin to Pluralistic Ignorance. Apologies for the second link, but Pluralistic Ignorance is an interesting concept by itself: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pluralistic_ignorance
To deal with the idea of Clipboard Obedience, here are some ideas on why The Clipboard is so important in petitioning the population:
1) Lack of a clipboard signals a lack of seriousness of the individual.
2) It is difficult sign anything without support for the paper, or pen. Laziness and impatience would kick in with the understanding of how hard it is to sign an unsupported piece of paper.
The following is just the enumeration of ideas that would lead someone to sign a petition, on a clipboard:
1) Easiness. Individuals may sign just because they think it'll only take 2 seconds.
2) Surprise. The petitioner is usually in an area that is uncommon to individuals standing around. Petitioning in such an area would leave the individual without sufficient time to adjust their train of thought enough to pay attention to what's being said.
3) Distraction: If the person has a phone in their hand, they aren't paying attention to anything being said by the petitioner.
4) Other Signatories (Pluralistic Ignorance possibly ties in here): If other names are on the petition, the illusion of the rationality of the petition is created.
5) Listening for Keywords / Lack of Familiarity with Petitioner: This is the least defined idea, and is based on my personal experiences. As an Army Veteran, I encounter plenty of linguistic difficulties when speaking with a new person. I do not know how they use their words. This lack of familiarity with the person will cause me to listen to certain words to grasp the broader understanding of what the stranger is saying. I do not doubt others can be tricked into signing petitions through use of certain words, regardless of the context.
6) Social Media Narcissism: I consider it to be normal for an individual to want to leave their imprint in the world (usually done through procreation). However, in the Age of Information, we now have MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and other ME orientated websites, including all the petition based websites. It becomes common practice to leave a personal imprint in as many places as possible. This would have plenty of real world carry over.
7) Illusion of Authority: The clipboard itself tends to signify the authority of the holder. Here is every job I can think of in which a person has a clipboard: Doctors, nurses, teachers, researchers, political staffers, scientists, foremen, secretaries, coaches, shrinks, and so on. All positions in which authority is given over to the individual with the clipboard.
8) Lack of Expectation / Value of Privacy: This ties into Social Media Narcissism. We put our names on so many things beyond just the internet, like new employee paperwork, government forms, frequent shopper discount card forms and so on. Giving our name away so frequently to unknown persons and entities is a very frequent event in our lives.
That is the end of Clipboard Obedience today. I will revisit this after I have spent more time on the subject matter with my nameless amigo.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
The Boxed-In Life
You wake up in the morning.
You see you have been sleeping on a box (bed).
You woke up in a box (bedroom).
You move from this box into another (bathroom), and take care of those morning body functions. You look at your image on a shiny, reflective box.
You take your personal hygiene supplies out of a box and manipulate the reflected image.
You open your box, pull out clothes, and put them on. You check your image again.
You move to another box.
This one may have a box with moving images, or food inside.
You turn on said box, you open said box.
When you finally leave this box, which is nothing but boxes, within boxes (apartments or houses), you go past other boxes.
You maneuver your box on wheels (vehicle) down roads, battling with other boxes.
Eventually, you get to your next box. You may call it a job.
Depending on your job description (a box made of words and responsibilities), you deal with a whole new series of boxes.
You may even be fortunate enough to have a whole box (office) inside the bigger box, instead of one of those boxes with three walls (CUBE-icle).
You stare at a box that you can manipulate by the use of little tiny boxes (computer).
At the end of the work day, you leave your box, leave the bigger box, get into your box and head back to your original box.
You open the door, turn on the box, use the box in your hand to communicate with other people using a similar boxed technology and go about moving yourself, and other objects, from box to box until you retire to your box so you can sleep.
Day to day, it may change a little, but this is your boxed in life.
I understand why it is called a Boxing Ring. It was built to contain the fighters.
I understand why everything is built in boxes. It is to contain Your Fight.
When Wednesday Rolls Around
“You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.” - Richard Buckminster Fuller.
It is yet another Wednesday and, again, I find myself with extra time. When I did my first semester at Arizona State University, tuition and books for a 15 credit hour class load cost about $1,000. Today, I just bought the one book I need for the one class I'm taking at my local community college. Between those two expenditures, I've dropped $500. This price difference has taken place over the span of 11 years.
Part of my motivation for some of my side projects is based on the deteriorating nature of our dollar. As the printing presses roll on endlessly, what they print becomes more and more useless. If you don't have a clue what I'm talking about spend some time researching the fiat debt based monetary system we are almost completely bound to. After that, look into Weimer Germany. This is where we are headed.
The dollar will fall by the wayside, a new means of currency will arise, and I hope it is a non-tangible one. Currency is typically coin and paper backed by precious metals. Those currencies can also be subject to inflation. Alternatives like BitCoin have shown up, as have some other e-currencies. However, when electricity itself becomes too expensive, e-currencies will go by the wayside with them.
My idea is being nice to one another. Crazy, I know. The internet allows each of us to find virtually any thing, any where, at any time. But you can't find the guy two doors down from you who happens to have what you are looking for. We have isolated ourselves from one another. Our families, our neighbors, and our friends. Some more than others. When the dollar is burnt to start a fire to keep the house warm, we will have to look to our local communities to get by. We will have to turn towards co-operative living.
Co-operative living is nothing more than trading work, skills, time, ideas and the bartering of goods with others. These will not be the currency themselves, rather, they will be the denominations of that currency. The currency itself is Trust. It is also one of the only currencies that can become infinitely stronger. As Trust builds upon Trust, Trust becomes stronger. The exchanges between individuals is done knowing any unevenness will eventually be taken care of, no matter how roundabout of a manner it may happen.
There will come a point when the currency of Trust becomes a whole new currency, Love. People will have created a community in which people help one another, not because they will get something out of it, but because it is right. It may be some hippy bullshit, but it is possible. It is practical. And it is inevitable.
We will have to transition to this system while dollars are replaced by whatever government approved monetary trinket, which will also fall by the wayside. Rather than allowing ourselves to be pushed and pulled by the whims of 'money', we can take the upcoming transition to create something much better for ourselves.
It is yet another Wednesday and, again, I find myself with extra time. When I did my first semester at Arizona State University, tuition and books for a 15 credit hour class load cost about $1,000. Today, I just bought the one book I need for the one class I'm taking at my local community college. Between those two expenditures, I've dropped $500. This price difference has taken place over the span of 11 years.
Part of my motivation for some of my side projects is based on the deteriorating nature of our dollar. As the printing presses roll on endlessly, what they print becomes more and more useless. If you don't have a clue what I'm talking about spend some time researching the fiat debt based monetary system we are almost completely bound to. After that, look into Weimer Germany. This is where we are headed.
The dollar will fall by the wayside, a new means of currency will arise, and I hope it is a non-tangible one. Currency is typically coin and paper backed by precious metals. Those currencies can also be subject to inflation. Alternatives like BitCoin have shown up, as have some other e-currencies. However, when electricity itself becomes too expensive, e-currencies will go by the wayside with them.
My idea is being nice to one another. Crazy, I know. The internet allows each of us to find virtually any thing, any where, at any time. But you can't find the guy two doors down from you who happens to have what you are looking for. We have isolated ourselves from one another. Our families, our neighbors, and our friends. Some more than others. When the dollar is burnt to start a fire to keep the house warm, we will have to look to our local communities to get by. We will have to turn towards co-operative living.
Co-operative living is nothing more than trading work, skills, time, ideas and the bartering of goods with others. These will not be the currency themselves, rather, they will be the denominations of that currency. The currency itself is Trust. It is also one of the only currencies that can become infinitely stronger. As Trust builds upon Trust, Trust becomes stronger. The exchanges between individuals is done knowing any unevenness will eventually be taken care of, no matter how roundabout of a manner it may happen.
There will come a point when the currency of Trust becomes a whole new currency, Love. People will have created a community in which people help one another, not because they will get something out of it, but because it is right. It may be some hippy bullshit, but it is possible. It is practical. And it is inevitable.
We will have to transition to this system while dollars are replaced by whatever government approved monetary trinket, which will also fall by the wayside. Rather than allowing ourselves to be pushed and pulled by the whims of 'money', we can take the upcoming transition to create something much better for ourselves.
Friday, July 26, 2013
The Golden Rule is Wrong
The Golden Rule is, more or less, "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you" or treat people the way you want to be treated. But doesn't this explain WHY the world is the way it is?
A while back I was reading 'Random Acts of Revolution' by Daisy Luther at www.theorganicprepper.ca . I emailed her my random act, which took place the weekend before I read the article. To sum up, my email was about how I hugged some random person because they were sad. I didn't leave a comment because the comment section devolved into typical internet nonsense. The seed was planted though and the question remains, how do we make the world better?
Here is my answer:
Treat people better than they treat you.
A while back I was reading 'Random Acts of Revolution' by Daisy Luther at www.theorganicprepper.ca . I emailed her my random act, which took place the weekend before I read the article. To sum up, my email was about how I hugged some random person because they were sad. I didn't leave a comment because the comment section devolved into typical internet nonsense. The seed was planted though and the question remains, how do we make the world better?
Here is my answer:
Treat people better than they treat you.
Why A Straight Guy Can't Eat Lesbian Cake
Tomorrow, my friends return from their two week hiatus and I get to go home. It is strangely a neutral event. Today is cleaning today. It is also the day I get to assess my life, or 'Pull a Ted Mosby'. I have seen way too many episodes of How I Met Your Mother this week. It helped with the loneliness of that house. I just finished watching, 'Jeff, Who Lives at Home', which, even by itself, can only lead to genuine introspection.
Some of the general details of my life will help with understanding how I'm 'Pulling a Ted Mosby'. I'm single, 33, living at home with my mom (it is much worse than it sounds), and difficult to understand. Most of my friends aren't my friends, but that is because they are all married. I have two single friends who are brother and sister, but they are both in their early 20's and doing early 20's things.
Here I am, in someone else's house, in someone else's life, wondering where all of this is leading. I know how I got here. I know why I wound up here as well. The Next Step is being taken, I just really need it to take me from where I am to where I want to be, happy. Happiness is as much of a location as it is an emotion.
My lack of reason for getting up in the morning was thwarted today. I was granted the privilege of picking up a cake at a bakery 20 miles away from the house I'm watching. At the early hour of 10 a.m., I jumped in the car and made that trip. I don't really care about having done it. What bothers me is that I don't get any cake (no, my name is not Milton). The cake is for my mother's all-women motorcycle group's 4 year anniversary. Yes, almost all of the women are lesbians and I bet the title makes sense now.
Some of the general details of my life will help with understanding how I'm 'Pulling a Ted Mosby'. I'm single, 33, living at home with my mom (it is much worse than it sounds), and difficult to understand. Most of my friends aren't my friends, but that is because they are all married. I have two single friends who are brother and sister, but they are both in their early 20's and doing early 20's things.
Here I am, in someone else's house, in someone else's life, wondering where all of this is leading. I know how I got here. I know why I wound up here as well. The Next Step is being taken, I just really need it to take me from where I am to where I want to be, happy. Happiness is as much of a location as it is an emotion.
My lack of reason for getting up in the morning was thwarted today. I was granted the privilege of picking up a cake at a bakery 20 miles away from the house I'm watching. At the early hour of 10 a.m., I jumped in the car and made that trip. I don't really care about having done it. What bothers me is that I don't get any cake (no, my name is not Milton). The cake is for my mother's all-women motorcycle group's 4 year anniversary. Yes, almost all of the women are lesbians and I bet the title makes sense now.
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
When Wednesday Rolls Around
I don't have a reason to get up in the morning. That used to be a great way to live. Now it's just sad. It will be another 3 weeks before any of my energy will be put to proper use. I'm taking an American Sign Language class at my local community college, while looking for, well, any work. The goal is to be an ASL Translator in about one year's time. I've been chained to a few desks in my life. Chained being the correct word. So many of us think slavery has ended, but they fail to see work desks and bills for the shackles that they are.
I do not have it within me to continue living in such a manner. Waking at dawn, dragging myself to work, wasting the day, and dragging myself back home, making just enough money to be broke, while making someone else rich. But that's me. I look at the world and see it for what it is, wrong. It's all backwards. I'm not the only one though. The following quote is from Michael Ellner:
“Just look at us. Everything is backwards, everything is upside down. Doctors destroy health, lawyers destroy justice, psychiatrists destroy minds, scientists destroy truth, major media destroys information, religions destroy spirituality and governments destroy freedom.”
Being an ASL Translator may not make me rich, but I will be in much greater control of my own life. I will not be bound by the decisions of the people above me, because there will be no one above me.
I do not have it within me to continue living in such a manner. Waking at dawn, dragging myself to work, wasting the day, and dragging myself back home, making just enough money to be broke, while making someone else rich. But that's me. I look at the world and see it for what it is, wrong. It's all backwards. I'm not the only one though. The following quote is from Michael Ellner:
“Just look at us. Everything is backwards, everything is upside down. Doctors destroy health, lawyers destroy justice, psychiatrists destroy minds, scientists destroy truth, major media destroys information, religions destroy spirituality and governments destroy freedom.”
Being an ASL Translator may not make me rich, but I will be in much greater control of my own life. I will not be bound by the decisions of the people above me, because there will be no one above me.
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Todays Words of Not-Wisdom
This is my second blog on this website. The first one went by the wayside when I couldn't remember the nonsense info I originally signed up with. Maybe this time around, I'll care enough to write such information down for future use.
So. I'm unemployed and my last day was 2 weeks ago. Here's what I've learned about the unemployed life so far. The initial filing for unemployment was easy. Since then, it's been a bunch of b.s. I answered questions online, only to receive stupid paperwork asking me to answer the same questions.
I'm on my second house watching "job". I'm not getting paid, I'm doing it for my friends. This time around, it's 15 days. 2 dogs, 2 cats, and a whole lot of horrible smells. It's difficult getting up in the morning. I don't have any reason to. My back actually hurts from sleeping too much. How messed up is that?
Netflix and Hulu are great, initially. But once those reserves are tapped, there is nothing to watch. Or at least, I am not going to spend an hour trying to find something to watch that's only 30 minutes longer than the time I spent searching for it. I'm actually a big reader. But I've gotten the most out of my local library and have to wait for books to be mailed from other libraries to the one I frequent.
At this point, I'm out of work, out of crap to watch, out of books to read, and, basically, out of money.
However, the initial stage of my post-employment life has taken place. I am going back to school. I did actually graduate back in 2006 with a B.A. in English Lit. So I'm not going "back" in terms of finishing. I'm going back in terms of finding something else to do with my life. Something that keeps me from wasting another minute behind a desk, spending my life working to make someone else rich.
I think one of the more important lessons I've learned is that any type of work that makes a person a decent amount of money only serves to make the world a worse place. What I am trying to learn is how to make a living in world I completely disagree with.
Until next time, may you do better than myself.
So. I'm unemployed and my last day was 2 weeks ago. Here's what I've learned about the unemployed life so far. The initial filing for unemployment was easy. Since then, it's been a bunch of b.s. I answered questions online, only to receive stupid paperwork asking me to answer the same questions.
I'm on my second house watching "job". I'm not getting paid, I'm doing it for my friends. This time around, it's 15 days. 2 dogs, 2 cats, and a whole lot of horrible smells. It's difficult getting up in the morning. I don't have any reason to. My back actually hurts from sleeping too much. How messed up is that?
Netflix and Hulu are great, initially. But once those reserves are tapped, there is nothing to watch. Or at least, I am not going to spend an hour trying to find something to watch that's only 30 minutes longer than the time I spent searching for it. I'm actually a big reader. But I've gotten the most out of my local library and have to wait for books to be mailed from other libraries to the one I frequent.
At this point, I'm out of work, out of crap to watch, out of books to read, and, basically, out of money.
However, the initial stage of my post-employment life has taken place. I am going back to school. I did actually graduate back in 2006 with a B.A. in English Lit. So I'm not going "back" in terms of finishing. I'm going back in terms of finding something else to do with my life. Something that keeps me from wasting another minute behind a desk, spending my life working to make someone else rich.
I think one of the more important lessons I've learned is that any type of work that makes a person a decent amount of money only serves to make the world a worse place. What I am trying to learn is how to make a living in world I completely disagree with.
Until next time, may you do better than myself.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)